The Man With Half A Face

The idea that we can escape life without some sort of baggage is absurd. I figure by the time we’re out of our teens, most of us are damaged goods. If we’re good about it, we can hide this from the better part of the population. For me, I try to counteract all the negative with a positive. (Example: I hate firefighters. Worst people on the planet! But… I believe in equal rights.) So that, in the end, hopefully the good outweighs the bad. Where this becomes a problem for most of us, I think, is in relationships. It’s the one place that we have to show someone our true selves.

 It’s as if you have half a face. (For the sake of argument, let’s say it was a freak thresher accident and not some heroic story.) Anyway, you’re walking around with half a face and people only sit on your right side because that’s the good side. Well, no one has an issue because they can only see the intact part of your skull. Then one day, a pretty girl walks up and you start to talk. Well now you have a decision to make. Do you turn and face her full on or just let her see what she wants to see?  What if she asks if you have any experience with threshers? Is it wrong not tell her about the accident?

I guess ultimately we all want someone we can stand in front of and say, “This is me. This is what I have to offer.” There is nothing more frightening and horrific than to lay bare who you are to another human being. It’s not always cathartic and freeing. Pretty much the best you can hope for, other than a polite rejection, is to find someone who will offer a peek inside their own suitcase. Maybe she will look back and say, “I lost my leg to a crocodile.” and then music plays.. and you both run in slow motion on the beach. Well, you do. She kinda hops. 

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“Oh, go to Hell!”

So this is my new blog and I’m trying to commit to writing at least once a week. I thought I’d just start light so here goes…

You know the origin of saying “Bless you.” after someone sneezes? Based on the source, this is usually attributed to a belief that when you sneeze:

– Your soul will escape.
– A demon will enter you body.
– Some other variation of the aforementioned resulting in your eternal damnation.

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Luckily, some segment of mankind has discovered, no doubt through relentless research and painful trial and error, that we can be saved from our untimely fates. It seems the simple act of literally anyone; regardless of religious beliefs, background or training saying “Bless you.” is enough to eliminate this threat. I don’t know if anyone really believes that any more. These days it’s more of a common courtesy. I just happen to live with a woman who has both terrible allergies and a cat. Which, after the world’s longest setup, brings me to the point.

Christine sneezes.
Me: Bless you.
Christine sneezes.
Me: Bless you.
Christine sneezes.
Me: Oh, go to Hell!

I don’t say it’s original or even remember where I heard it. I just think it’s cute and perfectly sums up our relationship.

Good night.